why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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