The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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