If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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