Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
