i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
