I accidentally burped into my bong.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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