could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
