how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
