Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
