cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
