i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just tell him i said nine months
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
