First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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