K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
