Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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