My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my being single is dangerous.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
