Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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