Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
