we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
