everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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