I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
