dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
