Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
