If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
