just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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