Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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