i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
