I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
