I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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