We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
