if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
