i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
