My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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