for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
