I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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