My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
