Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There are leaves in my underwear?
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