Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
