My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
