we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
whose ass print is on the piano?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
