Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
