Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
