omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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