Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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