Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
