just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
