O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
