I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
