girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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