I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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