keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
