Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
